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Bacolod City, Philippines Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Her guilty secret

Dear Tito,

I am an avid reader of your column. Finally, I have decided to share with you my story.

I am a mother of 3 children aged 18, 16,and 10 years old. My husband is an InformationTechnology (IT) specialist working abroad. It has been almost 15 years that he has been working overseas and comes home at least once a year, if not, he makes it a point to visit us when he is given the chance by his employer.

For the last 10 years, I have kept this personal experience to myself and even my husband has no inkling about it. It happened almost 11 years ago, when I was at the lowest point of my life and very vulnerable. I met my former boyfriend during my college days in one of our school gatherings. At first, it was just a casual acquaintance and most of our former classmates were teasing me. I told them that I am already happily married and so is he.

I was really surprised when he texted and mentioned that he was very happy to see me again after many years of not being connected with each other, not even in social media. He was also looking forward to meeting me again. I told him that I am married now and it would not be good for us to be seen together in public.

My birthday was fast approaching and it was incredible that he still remembered it. He visited my office and brought some flowers and chocolates to personally greet me. I was really embarrassed because everybody in the office saw him. He then invited me out to celebrate my birthday. Tito, I would be a hypocrite if I say I don't have any feelings for him anymore; in fact, he was my first boyfriend.

I don't know what happened but I gave in to his invitation. We had dinner together and I really enjoyed my time with him. This eventually led to a series of visits and going out together. In one of our private moments, I was not able to control myself and we did something that I should not have done. We went to a hotel and spent the night there together. I went home feeling guilty.

After a month, I noticed that my monthly period did not come. I knew something was wrong. I went to see my doctor and she told me that I was pregnant. I was really shocked, feeling doubly guilty and scared knowing that my husband was coming for a short vacation the following month.

Now our youngest is already 10 years old and my husband doesn't know that this child is not his. Even my former boyfriend doesn't know about it. This guilt has been haunting me for the last couple of years.

Unfaithful Wife

 

Dear Unfaithful Wife,

You've been carrying this secret for many years now, and despite trying to ignore and avoid it, it has come to the forefront of your mind and that's making you miserable.

Your husband deserves to know the truth, and sooner rather than later. Your child, though too young to understand what's going on now, also deserves the truth, and the older he or she gets the more devastated the child will be.

I don't know how he will react once he knows the truth about your youngest child. I am sure he will ask for time to process the information you are about to tell him.

If you worry about your marriage that may be broken, it's been that way for a long time. You felt something was missing in your relationship, and you handled it in the worst way possible by having an affair. You got yourself pregnant, and you've spent years in keeping it a secret.

I guess you have no choice but to open up with the truth and the time is now. You may also seek a spiritual or family counselor should the need arises.

Praying for you.

Tito

 


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