One of the challenges that come with surviving the holidays is the socializing and reunions that most of us simply cannot avoid. With so many people coming home for Christmas, our social calendars are sure to be packed throughout most of December. Aside from the requisite Christmas parties for all sorts of social and professional circles, we also have mates from previous schools and jobs, old friends, extended family members all planning to meet up and catch up.
During such reunions, it is common for people from different stages and status in life to mingle, and one thing I have learned as I approach middle age is that during these social gatherings, it is a wonderful feeling to be at that point in life where you no longer try to keep up with the Joneses, or stop being so judgmental.
There was a time when I would get jealous of other people’s nice things: designer stuff, expensive cars, flagship smartphones, nice watches, giant homes. And for most anti-social beings, these holiday reunions are when we have close encounters with these luxuries, as we have no choice but to spend at least a few hours with people that we rarely see.
However, as I grew older and became more comfortable with my status in life, I have learned to stop caring about what other people have and what they might think about me for not having certain things, as per the so-called expectations of society.
I am now just happy for them for having nice things, and this year, I have also decided that it is not my place to judge them either, even if it looks like they went into debt or lost their morality to get those nice things that apparently gives them joy. My mindset is that I will be happy for anyone who is happy. Whatever comes after, whether it is the debt collector, karma, or the justice system, is not my problem anyway, but theirs. What is worse is if it turns out that their stuff that gives them problems didn’t make them happy anyway.
For example, if I interact with a friend or family member who has suddenly become rich and likes to show it off, why should I spoil their fun? If they approach me to make chitchat and maybe show off a bit, just take it as an opportunity to expand my knowledge while learning about their luxe life experiences. I will appreciate their stuff, stories, adventures, and hobbies. And if they want me to notice their cool stuff, I won’t even mind pointing it out and asking about it. The great thing about being at this Tito age is that we can be “manul” and stop giving a damn about what other people think.
Even if I learn or suspect that they became ‘wealthy’ through questionable means, I have decided that it is not my place to judge because I am not the DOJ, NBI, ICI, or God. I’m just someone who is having a conversation with another person who likes to have nicer things.
While I certainly wouldn’t mind winning the lottery so I don’t have to look at price tags when shopping, I wouldn’t go into debt or sell my soul just to keep up with the Joneses. My Casio doesn’t mind that it is in close proximity to a Rolex or a Patek. My Uniqlo T-shirt that I have a bunch of because they were on sale for P590 is totally fine, and up to now, I’m still pretty hyped by my thrift store denim jeans, thank you very much.
Knowing that you are no longer interested in keeping up with the Joneses is a liberating feeling, and what is sad is for many of us, it takes an average of half a lifetime to get to that point. For others, the hustle is part of the fun and if that floats their boat, let’s be happy for them. As long as they are truly happy, and not caught in a vicious cycle of trying to fly higher and higher, then it is not our place to judge.
This new year, my hope is that we finally figure out what makes us content. If you are not yet there, then come up with an achievable and sustainable plan to get there. Just make sure that you do it for yourself, and not to impress people that you hardly even know, that aside from taking a second to recognize your drip, most likely do not even care.
Because if you come to think of it, spending so much just to get the validation of other people is one of the easiest ways to be the biggest loser in a room. Sometimes it may be better to just be a spectator, enjoying the view.*
