Happy Valentine’s Day!
It’s a payday-Friday-V-Day, and with those challenges in mind, I hope you and your loved ones have a good one this year. May your reservations be honored, the traffic gods have mercy, and the Valentine premiums be reasonable. In other words, may the enjoyment of this most commercialized of ‘special’ days be worth the cost and effort.
As for me, despite the numerous hints from my wife that we haven’t been going on enough proper dates of late, we will still most likely be staying home tonight. While I do owe her a proper date, the thought of going anywhere on a payday-Friday-V Day is too scary for this grumpy old fart. We will leave the competition for space and tables, flowers and chocolates, plushies and other romantic gifts to the young lovers who still get a kick from the day. They, or their relationships, probably need it more than the boring old people do.
Despite my apathy towards the commercial aspect of Valentine’s Day, which my wife probably dislikes but has learned to live with, I still know that I owe her a proper date because we’ve been too busy with life to spend quality time together. My work in an old-school newspaper with fixed deadlines means that leisurely dinner dates are almost always out of the question, 6 days of the week. Worse if a movie or night out is involved. On the other hand, her job, which takes her out of town almost every week is another factor, as although she misses us going on dates, she almost always would rather stay at home when she is at home, having been tired of eating out all the time when she is out. Aside from that, we have a teenaged daughter that her mom also misses and could be going away to university in less than two years, so going on a date also means considering bringing her along.
Just like life, dates were so much simpler when we were just a couple. Back then, if we were the type, we could probably be pressured into blowing half a month’s salary on Valentine’s day extravagances and not worry about it too much because there are less bills to pay or college funds to consider.
However, just because we are at a different stage of life and have different priorities, it doesn’t mean that we are excused from going on dates. It is something that I need to work on because if you come to think of it, our time together is also running out. So we have to make time for our closest relationships, just as we also make time for family, work, friends, and the other stuff that life likes to randomly throw at us.
I have this tendency to fall into the excuse that peacefully spending time together is already a date, and telling myself that having a home that is so comfortable that we don’t want to go out anymore should count for something. But that’s just being lazy and if there’s one thing that the ladies don’t like, it’s having a lazy boyfriend. That’s why we go on dates and make the effort, even if we are already married.
Going on a date also makes us dress up and try new things, food, and places, which keeps us from turning into cavemen. If we do it right and make a good impression and have a good time, we could even get laid.
I have made my position on Valentine’s Day clear long ago, and my wife already knows what to expect from me that day, which is basically nothing much. But I do try to make up for it during the rest of the year, when aside from not having to deal with traffic, reservations, and inflated prices, the pressure to be romantic and impressive just because everyone else is doing so is no longer there. Admittedly, those moments and getaways are not as often anymore, to be honest, but it is something that I know I should work on, as an ex-boyfriend who doesn’t want to be an ex-husband.
For some people, being romantic and sweet comes naturally. For others, whether there is a budget or not, a little more deliberation and effort is required. A date doesn’t have to be a multi-course meal in a Michelin starred restaurant, but it also cannot be as easy as simply dimming the lights, putting on some music, and not wearing your regular pambahay during a dinner at home. Whether a relationship has lasted 2 weeks or more than 25 years, regular maintenance is necessary or the flame can fizzle out. I’ve been fortunate to keep that flame alive, because I know that relighting it can be really tough if it dies. So it is best to keep it burning (or at least glowing) at all costs, especially if the relationship is one worth keeping.
Valentine’s Day may have become horridly commercialized, but if you strip all that away, it does give a lot of us an opportunity or a reminder to put some life into our loves. So, whether you do it today, in the fanciest and most obnoxious way possible, or some other time within the month in a more discreet but just as impactful manner, take your Valentine out on a date, for both your sakes.*
