In my previous article, as I was writing about how I have been “training” my two teenagers on how to choose and handle their alcohol, I realized the importance of safe spaces where such things can happen because the people involved can fully trust that they will be taken care of in case something goes wrong.
In our case, the safe space is home, or wherever we may be, but there is parental supervision. This way, if anyone feels unwell, loses control, or makes a mess, they don’t have to worry about themselves too much because they know we’ve got their back. They know for sure that nobody will take advantage of them while their decision making is compromised; they know that they can make a mess without embarrassing themselves too much, although they still have to be responsible for it in some shape or form; they know that they can sleep it off without too much worries; and they know that if things go sideways or an emergency has to be declared, we won’t panic and abandon them like some “friends” might, but will do everything in our power to get them the help they need.
That is because we are their parents. We are older and wiser and more responsible. We’ve probably been through the worst and therefore have a general idea of what to do, we will most likely stay in control and generally sober because that is what parenting is. We have the resources to get help if it becomes necessary. And most of all, we are less likely to panic and leave them behind if something goes wrong.
I can do this comfortably if alcohol is involved, because it is an activity I am familiar with and I know my limits very well, which can be adjusted as necessary when I am with people who need watching over, so I can confidently say I can provide that safe space, at least until they can take care of themselves, or better yet, be the ones to take care of me.
The key for a space to be safe is trust. And as far as parents go, that shouldn’t be a problem. But when other people or the public are involved, there aren’t very many safe spaces out there, especially for young people who have yet to establish their circles of trust via trial and error. That is the reason why I would rather provide that safe space for “training,” so my kids can be better equipped for when the spaces they move around in are no longer safe.
Alcohol is one thing, but that’s just one thing. There are also other concerns for parents, like drugs and sex, and we cannot really provide safe spaces for those, just try to build safe habits. If it were practical and possible, I’d probably try to create a safe space for cannabis, which is already legal in other parts of the world, but that’s probably as far as I can go as far as familiarization with substances are concerned.
On the flip side, some would say that I’m encouraging alcohol and drug use when discussing the need for safe spaces, which is of course a valid concern. What if this so-called introduction to such substances leads them down a slippery path of addiction and substance abuse? Wouldn’t that be ironic?
But if you come to think of it, whether or not parents who think they are cool intervene, our growing kids will still encounter these substances whether we like it or not. So we might as well try to control it while we still, can I guess. At the very least, parents that can talk about these formerly taboo matters with their kids can console themselves that they somehow continue to communicate, even through the awkward and angsty teenage years. Sharing that drink with them will also allow us to observe them for dangerous behaviors, which will hopefully allow us to intervene early.
If you come to think of it some more, safe spaces are not that rare if you really look for it. Technically, a roller coaster is one such space, as it allows people to enjoy a thrill in a controlled environment where safety is among the top priorities. The difference is that the people at the theme park know how to build it and run it, while parents are just making their way through life the best way they can, given what they know, which nobody told them how to do anyway.
We all want to have safe spaces where we don’t have to worry for ourselves and our loved ones. Ideally, the home should be one of those spaces. However, making that place safe is the easy part because it is actually what is required of us. Making sure it produces people who are safe, even when they are not at home, is the next level to aspire for. How we achieve that is up to us.*
