One of our must-tries during our trip to Rome, now that our kids are already teenagers, is an aperitivo, which is similar to the American happy hour. Generally available between late afternoon and early evening, it is when Italians relax over a light cocktail and finger foods. The restaurants near our hotel were offering various versions of it, and for the relatively reasonable price that ranged from 6-10 Euro per head, it was a good way to spend some down time, bond, eat, drink, and people watch.
When our daughter, who is 16 and about to graduate junior high school, but in typical Filipino fashion looks 12-13, ordered her cocktail, our very friendly waiter asked her “How old are you?” Her answer, delivered with a smile, was “old enough,” which made everyone laugh. Seeing that it was ok with the adults, and having done his duty of asking her age, the waiter gamely took her order.
Being able to sit down and have a drink with our kids is one of the things we enjoy doing, whether when traveling, or back at home, where our mini bar is modestly stocked. It started out as “training” so we could prepare them to handle their alcohol in a safe space, but as soon as the training part was over, it became something that we could now actually do together. It doesn’t happen a lot of the time, because we don’t want to accidentally raise alcoholics, but when we have company over, or need a break, our kids are free to have a drink or two with the adults.
The first part of their training was letting them discover what kind of drinks they prefer, and telling them that they don’t have to feel pressured into drinking or doing something they don’t like just to fit in or be cool. The next part of it was to help them discover their limits, so they know what to do when they start feeling tipsy and apply the countermeasures to prevent being flat out wasted. Of course, throughout that process, I’ve already had to clean up some vomit. Other drinking safety protocols, such as never leaving your drink unattended when in a public place, and learning to start watering down when you’re near your established limit, or it is almost time to go home, were also learned along the way. Knowing how useless someone is when they are drunk also makes it easier for them to understand that it is ok for them to call us when they need help getting home.
The downside of this is that we could be producing alcoholics, but the way I figure is that it is better to be safe than sorry. They will still have to deal with alcohol as part of growing up anyway, so might as well impart them with the knowledge gained from my mistakes. The upside is that I have someone to drag along to an aperitivo or happy hour with, or share a nightcap after a long day/week.
While I would be the first to agree that alcohol is not necessary to enjoy a lot of things in life, I would also say that it is better to be prepared for whatever life can bring, and knowing how to handle your liquor is a life skill I’d rather have my kids learn from me than from others who may not have the best intentions. They’ll probably need it a few times in high school, and will definitely need it to survive college and the workplace. The aim is not so they can be the legendary drinkers of their group, but so they can get home safely, and maybe even fend for their friends who may not be as experienced with the pitfalls of social drinking.
Times are different from when I was a teen. Back then, I would never admit to my parents that I had alcoholic drinks. They definitely wouldn’t mix me a cocktail at home, or buy me a drink if we were having an aperitivo. Perhaps I’m just trying to be a cool parent, but the truth is that I don’t really know what I’m doing and I’m 99% just making it up as I go along. Right or wrong, those are the parenting choices that I make and I can only hope that I’m getting more rights than wrongs. The only problem is that there is no way to tell until about 10 years from now, and by then it might be too late to take anything back.
For the meantime, at least we can still say (or think) that our kids are having fun hanging out with us, at home, or anywhere on the planet.
Maybe that’s all that matters in the end.*
